When my oldest son (now 12) was about 3 months old, I ran headfirst into a challenge I never expected — he suddenly wouldn’t take a bottle.
He’d taken a few bottles in the early days, and since he did fine, I checked that box in my mind and didn’t think much of it after that. But as my return to work approached, we tried giving him a bottle again… and he flat-out refused.
We tried everything.
Every bottle we could find. Warm milk, cold milk. Me leaving the house so someone else could try. Waiting until he was really hungry (poor baby!). Every tip the internet had to offer — we tried it.
At the time, I was already a lactation consultant, so I reached out to trusted colleagues for advice. Still, nothing worked. Eventually, in desperation, we even introduced solids a little earlier than we’d planned, hoping that would help him stay full while I was at work.
What ultimately did work was a patchwork solution. My husband would leave work, pick our son up from the babysitter, and drive him to my workplace so I could nurse him on my dinner break (I worked evenings at the time). We made that work for a couple of months, until he was old enough to drink from a cup and eat more solid foods.
Looking back now, I realize how common this situation is — and how much I didn’t know at the time.
What I Know Now That I Wish I Knew Then
Many babies initially accept bottles just fine, only to struggle with them a few weeks or months later. This is actually very common, but not widely talked about.
Around the time when bottle refusal often begins (typically 8-12 weeks), babies are going through physical changes that can make bottle feeding more challenging. Their oral cavities are growing, which makes it harder for them to stabilize a bottle nipple. At the same time, their sucking reflex is fading — meaning they now have to actively and intentionally suck, rather than it happening automatically.
Families often assume it’s simply a matter of willpower or preference — that the baby is “stubborn” or “refusing.” This can lead to a lot of frustration and wasted money trying every bottle on the market.
But the truth is, “bottle refusal” isn’t really about refusal at all — it’s usually about skills. Some babies need a chance to learn and develop the oral motor skills that are necessary for drinking from a bottle.
Tongue Tie & Bottle Refusal
There’s one more piece of the puzzle I didn’t fully understand back then. My son had a tongue tie that was released when he was about a week old — but we didn’t do any aftercare (wound stretches), and we didn’t work on rebuilding his oral skills afterward.
At the time, I didn’t know that oral habilitation (helping babies strengthen and coordinate their oral motor skills) was so important. Babies with oral restrictions, like tongue ties, often struggle with bottles because they need specific muscle strength and coordination to make bottle feeding work.
Tongue tie isn’t the only physical issue that can make bottle feeding harder. Babies with body tension, Torticollis, high palates, facial asymmetries, or other medical conditions may also struggle. This is why it’s so important to shift the narrative away from the idea that babies are simply being stubborn or refusing out of preference. In many cases, babies who won’t take a bottle can’t — and they deserve a thorough, compassionate assessment to uncover why feeding is challenging and how to help.
What I Want Parents to Know About Bottle Refusal Today
If you’re struggling with bottle feeding, you’re not alone — and you’re not doing anything wrong. Most importantly, there are solutions.
A lactation consultant trained in bottle refusal can:
Assess your baby’s oral function to see if anything is making bottle feeding harder
Recommend bottles that suit your baby’s unique needs (spoiler: there’s no one perfect bottle for every baby)
Create a step-by-step, personalized plan to gently help your baby learn the skills they need to bottle feed comfortably
If I’d known all this with my first baby, it would have saved us a lot of stress. Now, it’s one of my favorite things to help families navigate — because with the right support, babies can learn to take a bottle, and we can make the process as gentle and positive as possible for everyone.
If you’re preparing to go back to work, or you just want to be able to leave your baby with a trusted caregiver, I’m here to help.
Want to learn more about bottle refusal and schedule a consultation? Please reach out anytime!