Rethinking How to Get a Good Latch

Have we been teaching it all wrong?

I’ve been a lactation consultant for 15 years, and a mother-baby nurse for five years before that. Through most of my training and career, I taught latching and positioning a certain way. It evolved over time, but it always included detailed guidance about how to hold a baby. It’s what I was taught. It’s what I did with my own babies. It’s what all the books and guides recommend.

But lately, I’ve been rethinking it all.

I recently attended a workshop led by an amazing IBCLC colleague, Maya Bolman, that challenged me to see latching through a new lens. Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of positioning babies in ways that support their feeding reflexes—and that’s absolutely necessary. But sometimes, in focusing so much on technique, we leave out something just as essential: maternal comfort and intuition.

Observation is Key

Humans have been breastfeeding forever. For most of that time, we didn't have professionals telling us exactly how to get a good latch, how to position our hands,

or angle our baby's head. We learned by watching, by being surrounded by others who were feeding their babies, and by following our instincts.

Seeing others breastfeed is more important than we might realize. Have you heard the story of the orangutan who'd never seen breastfeeding so she didn't know what to do with her baby until a zookeeper sat in front of her and breastfed her own baby? It's an amazing story - and a reminder of how observation and instinct go hand in hand. If you're interested - read the story here.

In our modern culture, exposure to breastfeeding is rare. Many new parents haven’t seen breastfeeding up close before having their own baby. When they’re not sure what to do, they’re often given detailed instructions—or, unfortunately, even told to sit back while someone else holds their breast and pushes their baby onto it.

The intention might be good, but it raises an important question: Have we unintentionally undermined a parent’s confidence—and made breastfeeding feel harder than it needs to be?

Why Does it Feel So Hard to Get a Good Latch?

This question comes up for me often, especially when I see parents trying to follow every rule perfectly. I’ve watched moms arrive at the pediatrician’s office with a full-size breastfeeding pillow tucked under one arm, juggling a diaper bag and car seat in the other. I’ve seen moms at Target trying to soothe a crying baby while also carrying that same pillow because they’re terrified they “won’t be able to latch without it.”

And my heart just aches for them.

I think about the moms who tell me they walk down the hall every single night—exhausted, half-asleep—to sit in the designated breastfeeding chair, holding their baby in one exact position because that’s what they were taught. They’re fighting to keep their eyes open, their bodies tense, afraid that if they get too comfortable, the latch will fall apart.

Then there are the moms who see someone breastfeeding in a carrier while walking through the grocery store and quietly wonder, Could that ever be me? Will feeding ever feel that easy?

I’ve had a sinking sensation in my own stomach watching this unfold in waiting rooms because I know how anxious and overwhelmed those parents must feel. They’re doing everything “right,” but it’s costing them so much—time, energy, sleep, and often their sense of confidence. So many parents have looked at me with tears welling up, asking, “Will this ever get easier? Isn’t there a better way?”

And the answer is yes. There is a better way—one that honors instinct, comfort, and the natural rhythm between you and your baby.

A Better Way to Approach Latching

Over the years—and especially recently—I’ve been shifting how I teach latching. I still offer support and suggestions, but now I build on what parents and babies do naturally, honoring instinct and comfort—not just textbook form. I’ve learned what matters most is how a baby approaches and settles at the breast, not the exact position of the parent’s body. It might sound simple, but I’ve even started bringing a baby doll to visits so parents can see what positioning looks like, instead of having me do it for them. Watching first, then trying it themselves, often leads to more comfort—and more confidence.

With all of this in mind, I recently redesigned my Latching Guide. It focuses on tuning into your instincts, paying attention to what feels comfortable in your own body, and bringing your baby to the breast in a way that allows them to feed more easily and effectively. You’ll find gentle suggestions, clear photos, and practical ideas you can try right away—nothing rigid or overwhelming.

Because when feeding feels better for you, it almost always goes better for your baby, too.

If you’ve ever felt unsure about latch or overwhelmed by too many instructions, this guide was made for you.

👉 Download the updated Latching Guide here.

Frequently Asked Questions About Latching

Q: What's the best breastfeeding position for a newborn?

A: There's no single "best" position. What matters most is how your baby approaches and settles at the breast.

Q: Why does breastfeeding still hurt even when the latch looks good?

A: Sometimes a latch can "look" good from the outside but may still need some minor adjustments. And sometimes, the cause lies deeper - issues such as infant body tension and tethered oral tissues (tongue/lip/buccal ties) can contribute to sore nipples.

Q: Do I need a breastfeeding pillow?

A: Not always. Breastfeeding pillows can actually cause more issues than they solve. Many parents find feeding becomes easier when they try without the pillow.

Q: How can I tell if my baby has a deep latch?

A: Look for a wide open mouth, with the chin pushing into the breast, and the nose tilted back (with room to breathe). Most of the areola should be in the baby's mouth.

Get answers to these questions and more in the Latching Guide!

👉 Download the updated Latching Guide here.