Breastfeeding While Your Spouse is Deployed
- Rebecca McCann
- Oct 27
- 6 min read
Are you having a baby while your spouse is deployed? Or will they be leaving for deployment soon after your baby arrives? It can feel overwhelming to think about managing the early days of parenthood on your own.
I've been there. When our first baby was two weeks old, my husband left for a two-month training program. We were living in San Diego and didn’t have family nearby. I was very grateful to have some supportive friends, and several relatives who came to visit, but I still spent many long days with the baby alone. And even though I was a postpartum nurse and had some experience around newborns, I was still a brand-new mom, doing everything on my own for the first time.
I remember feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and surprisingly lonely. That loneliness caught me off guard, because technically, I wasn’t alone—I had another human with me all the time. But that tiny person needed me for everything, constantly.
If you're a fellow military mom navigating deployments, breastfeeding, and early parenthood, here are a few tips I learned along the way, and some things I wish I’d known sooner.
Plan ahead for breastfeeding while your spouse is deployed
If you’re still expecting, take time now to prepare for feeding your baby. Attend a breastfeeding class or read a good book, and meet with a lactation consultant.
Most families don’t realize that prenatal lactation consultations are available—and so valuable (especially for moms who are breastfeeding when their spouse is deployed). Meeting with a lactation consultant before your baby arrives gives you a chance to build a relationship, make a plan together, and (perhaps most importantly) know exactly who to call if you run into questions later. You won't have to spend time searching online for a lactation consultant in the middle of the night, or calling around to multiple places looking for an appointment. If feeding issues arise, you'll already have someone in your corner.
Stock up on baby and postpartum supplies
Set yourself up for smooth days (and nights) by purchasing necessities ahead of time, and creating little “stations” around the house.
Have a diaper-changing spot on each floor of your home and one in your bedroom. It doesn’t have to be fancy—just a changing pad or towel, wipes, diapers, and cream or ointment if needed.
Stock every bathroom with postpartum essentials so you’re never searching when you need something.
Create a feeding station (or two) in your favorite places to feed. Include feeding/pumping/bottle feeding items, a water bottle, phone charger with a long cord, lip balm, snacks, and anything else you might like to have within arms reach during feeding time.
Make food simple and easy
When you’re home alone with a newborn, feeding yourself can easily fall to the bottom of your to-do list. Plan for quick, nourishing options: protein bars, nuts, dried fruit, cheese sticks, cut-up veggies, and hard-boiled eggs.
Consider saving up a little money in a take-out fund so you can order yourself dinner when you need to. If you’re still pregnant, consider prepping some freezer meals. You’ll thank yourself later.
Learn about safe sleep
Co-sleeping is a controversial topic. As a first-time parent, I told myself we’d never co-sleep—and we spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure out what worked best for our baby. It was especially hard facing those wakeful nights alone.
By the time I had my second baby, I’d learned much more about co-sleeping—how it can be done safely, how it supports babies’ biological needs, and how it can lead to better rest for everyone. I got so much more sleep the second time around.
Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone, but I encourage all my clients to at least learn how to create a safe sleep environment just in case it ever becomes necessary. It’s much safer to fall asleep with your baby on a prepared surface than while holding them on a sofa or soft bed when you’re drowsy. This can be especially important for parents who are solo at night without a partner to trade off with.
Here are some excellent resources for learning about safe co-sleeping—worth reviewing even if you don’t plan to do it regularly:
Safe Sleep Seven - a checklist for a safe sleep environment
Books:
Sweet Sleep by La Leche League
Why Your Baby's Sleep Matters by Sarah Ockwell-Smith
Build your support network
Even when your partner is deployed far away, you don’t have to do everything alone. Take a moment to take stock of your support network. Keep a list of people you can call when you need help or just a listening ear.
Who could you call for breastfeeding encouragement?
Who would come over if you need a break to shower in peace or catch a quick nap?
Who could you text when you just need to vent?
Keep a list with contact info for your healthcare provider, baby’s pediatrician, your lactation consultant, and a trusted mental health resource.
Postpartum Support International is an excellent place to start if you don’t already have mental health support.
The following resources for military families may also be helpful:
Your spouse's command FRG (Family Readiness Group)
New Parent Support Program - Parenting education and support to help you navigate the transition to parenthood. It's a free, voluntary program staffed with home visitation professionals that is designed to help families thrive.
The Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society's Visiting Nurse Program - Visiting nurses can answer questions and provide education on a wide range of health topics, including things like breastfeeding and making sure babies are healthy and happy. They also provide baby weight checks. It is free for Navy and Marine Corps families.
Military OneSource - Information and support for military families with a wide range of programs and counseling options.
Accept help—really
Sometimes people really want to be helpful but aren't sure what to do. If a friend asks, “What can I do?” be ready with some concrete suggestions:
Pick up a few groceries.
Hold the baby while you shower or take a nap.
Take a short walk, or even sit and watch a show together if you just need some company.
Start a load of laundry.
If someone offers to bring a meal, say yes. People genuinely want to help—you just have to let them.
Get fresh air
Stepping outside can make a world of difference. Feel the grass under your feet, take a few deep breaths, and soak in a moment of calm. When you’re ready, take your baby for walks (babies usually love being outside!) or meet a friend for coffee. A change in scenery can give you a new perspective and lift your mood.
Stay Connected With Your Spouse
Baby's behavior and appearance change so quickly in the early days. Write down little notes to send to your spouse about what your baby is doing - little habits, funny quirks, or something cute they did that day. Take and send lots of photos and videos.
When it's time for your spouse to come home, remember that it might take them a while to feel comfortable in their new role, and to learn all of the parenting tricks and tips you've been mastering while they've been away. You might be the one doing most of the feeding if you're directly nursing your baby, but there are still plenty of ways for your spouse to bond with your little one when they return home - lots of snuggles, walks, baths, and play time.
Soak up the snuggles and give yourself grace
It can be easy - especially if you're parenting alone - to feel like you should always being getting something done. The to-do list can seem a mile long. But rest matters, too. Your body is still recovering from childbirth and you're handling so much on your own. When your baby is cluster feeding, contact napping, snuggling on your chest, or you're sitting through yet another pump session, you are doing important work. The feeding, bonding, and recovering that happen in those quiet moments are some of the most valuable things you can do right now. Let the laundry wait. Order some take out. Give yourself grace, and let yourself settle into those pauses. Binge a tv show, listen to a podcast, or finally start the novel you've been saving.
Having a baby while your partner is deployed can be tough - but it is absolutely possible to make it through with the right preparation and support.
If you’re pregnant or recently postpartum and want professional breastfeeding support, I’d love to help. TRICARE covers breastfeeding support, and I am in-network with TRICARE West. I offer both home visits (Kitsap County & Gig Harbor, WA) and virtual consultations in most states.
