Before starting a private practice, I worked in the hospital for 15 years, first as a postpartum nurse and then as an IBCLC. Over those years, one of the most common questions I heard from new parents in the first few days was:
“Breastfeeding is supposed to be natural. So why does it feel so hard?"
The truth is, breastfeeding is natural, but that doesn’t mean it comes naturally. Modern life has stripped away some of the supports that used to make breastfeeding easier. Let’s explore why breastfeeding can feel challenging in those early days—and what you can do to make it easier.
Breastfeeding Throughout History
For thousands of years (and still in many parts of the world), humans lived in close-knit family or community groups where breastfeeding was a normal, everyday part of life. Women grew up watching their mothers, aunts, friends, and older sisters breastfeed, so by the time they had babies of their own, they were already familiar with the process.
These close-knit communities also had built in support. Family members, midwives, or other experienced mothers could provide hands-on help. In very difficult situations, there were often other lactating women who could act as wet nurses. New parents weren't left to figure out and manage everything on their own.
Cultural Expectations and Modern Barriers
Our modern, often isolated way of living doesn’t make breastfeeding easier. Families today face challenges that didn't exist in the past:
The Missing Village: Many of us lack the built-in village that supported past generations of new parents. For many, breastfeeding is something we encounter for the first time with our own babies - we didn't grow up seeing it as a part of everyday life. Compounding this, breastfeeding rates in the U.S. were low in recent decades, which means many of our parents and grandparents don't have their own breastfeeding experience or wisdom to share. Without prior exposure to breastfeeding, or the support of a close-knit community, the learning curve can feel steep. For those of us living far from family or without a strong support system, the early days can feel especially isolating and difficult. Tasks that a village would have shared - like newborn care, food preparation, household chores, and tending to older children, often fall solely on the new parents. Breastfeeding becomes much more manageable when there is a strong support system in place during the 4th trimester, allowing the mother time to recover from childbirth and focus on feeding her baby.
Birth Practices: Interventions like epidurals, pain medication, cesarean sections, or instrumental deliveries (like forceps or vacuum-assisted births) can sometimes make breastfeeding more difficult in the early days. These interventions may temporarily affect a baby's feeding reflexes, delay milk production, or increase the likelihood of mother and baby being separated after birth. Sometimes we make an informed decision to use things like pain medication or epidurals (no judgement here!), and many times interventions are necessary or even life-saving. Whether by choice or necessity, it's important for families to know that these interventions can influence feeding, and if they do, it's not a reflection of something you are doing wrong.
Formula Supplementation: Formula is necessary in some situations and is an important option for many families (I have nothing against formula itself, or families who choose to use it!). However, many healthcare providers today will suggest formula supplementation as a first solution when problems arise, instead of addressing breastfeeding challenges with skilled lactation support. Early formula supplementation can derail or complicate the breastfeeding relationship if not used appropriately.
Breastfeeding Is a Learned Skill
Babies are born with many amazing reflexes that help them breastfeed, but it can still take time for both of you to get into a good feeding rhythm, and to feel like you've really got the hang of it. Breastfeeding is a skill—one that you and your baby learn together. It’s okay if it doesn’t go smoothly right from the start. Be patient with yourself and your baby. With time, practice, and the right support, it will get easier. I often tell parents it's like learning to ride a bike - it can feel awkward at first (maybe even a little scary), but eventually you'll do it without even thinking.
The Importance of Skilled Help
Because breastfeeding is a natural process, parents often assume it should come effortlessly. When it doesn’t, they may feel like they’re failing. But challenges like pain or difficulty latching are common—and they’re often fixable.
If you’re finding breastfeeding difficult or painful, that’s a sign something might need adjustment. Sometimes it’s as simple as trying a new position, and sometimes it’s more complex—like addressing a tongue-tie or tension in your baby.
This is where an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) can make all the difference. An IBCLC can assess what’s going on and guide you toward solutions for easier, more comfortable feeds.
Tips for Getting Off to a Great Start
Learn About Breastfeeding Before Your Baby Arrives.
Studies show that parents who take prenatal breastfeeding classes are more likely to start and continue breastfeeding. Taking a class will help you feel much more prepared. Additionally, if you've never seen breastfeeding up close, attending a breastfeeding support group during pregnancy can help you feel more familiar with the process. Many breastfeeding support groups welcome pregnant women. Bonus: you’ll already have a support network in place when your baby arrives.
Build Your Support Team.
Connect with an IBCLC before your baby is born. A prenatal consultation can help you feel confident about what to expect and give you a plan for those early days. Plus, you’ll already know who to call if challenges arise.
Plan for the 4th Trimester.
Stock up on postpartum supplies, create a support network, and prepare for the 4th trimester ahead of time. This will ease your transition into parenthood and give you more time to focus on establishing breastfeeding. Read more about creating a postpartum plan in my blog post here.
You’re Not Alone
Breastfeeding is natural, but it’s also a skill that takes practice, patience, and support. If you’re struggling, know that help is available—and you don’t have to go through it alone. With the right guidance, you can overcome the challenges and find a feeding routine that works for you and your baby.
Looking for support?
Download my free prenatal breastfeeding checklist for simple steps to help you prepare for breastfeeding.
Take my prenatal breastfeeding class to feel confident before your baby arrives.
Book a lactation consultation for hands-on help with breastfeeding challenges.